Collecting My Thoughts

I’ve been looking at this blog for the past week, wanting to post something, but not sure where to start. We were on vacation the week before last, and I was determined to not “work” while we were away.

It’s been hard coming back to reality. Vacation was kind of a bust, but even still, it was a break away from the usual. I’ve had a migraine almost every day since we’ve been back. I could attribute it to still trying to overcome the cold I came down with the first day of vacation, or adjusting to wearing my glasses again after a week without. But I think the issue is much simpler: I hate my job.

Just saying that seems somehow ungrateful. After all, many people would kill to have a job, especially one that pays a fair wage, has fabulous benefits, and has loads of flexibility with ample time off. The worst I can say for my job is that the office is catty and gossipy, and there is little respect and zero support. People have overcome much worse. Honestly, I think it’s me more than anything else. But then, that’s a whole topic unto itself.

I feel like I have so many ideas of what to write about, but they’re all stuck in my head, and I don’t know where to start. And when I do start writing, one topic rambles into another, and blog posts quickly turn into books. It sucks when writing issues come down to lack of focus more than lack of ideas.

I feel like I’ve learned a lot over the past year, and it’s forced me to really think about who I am, and what I want for the future. I’ve experienced good things and bad, but they’ve all brought a bit of perspective. I want to write about aging, and the importance of forming a community. About digging deeper to figure out what you really want out of life, instead of what you’re supposed to want. I want to write about how we’re planning for a future as a couple with a large age gap, and some of the struggles that presents.

Hopefully I’ll be able to start pulling some of my thoughts together, and actually get them into writing. Overall, I am happy with life right now. I’m frustrated with my job situation, but I have some exciting ideas floating around in my head. I just need to get over my fear and risk taking a chance. Hopefully I’ll be able to start moving forward on some ideas in the next few months.

  • Cindy W.

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